FOMO no mo

FOMO NO MO

fear of missing out

Ecclesiastes 2: 1-3

“I said to myself, “I will try having fun. I will enjoy myself.” But I found that this is also useless. It is foolish to laugh all the time, and having fun doesn’t accomplish anything. I decided to cheery myself up with wine while my mind was still thinking wisely. I wanted to find a way to enjoy myself and see what was good for people to do during their few days of life.”

Well, it’s a no wonder my depression worsened due to the choices I was making. I was living life to HAVE FUN!! Ran away to Colorado where there were so many things to do, people to meet, things to see. I didn’t care how I had to make it happen, I was going to live in Colorado and do what I wanted. In small town Gothenburg I felt like I was missing out on life. I wanted excitement! I was missing out on music shows and festivals, art festivals, mountains to climb, people to gather with to drink and socialize, you name it, I wanted it. That WAS going to cure my longing for happiness that I was desiring for so much.

Ecclesiastes 2: 10-11 continues on to say: “Anything I saw and wanted, I got for myself; I did not miss any pleasure I desired. I was pleased with everything I did, and this pleasure was the reward for all my hard work. But then I looked at what I had done, and I thought about all the hard work. Suddenly I realized it was useless, like chasing the wind. There is nothing to gain from anything we do here on earth.”

At the end of the days, I found myself empty, a black hole in me, missing something meaningful in my life. All the distractions I was using wasn’t working like I planned they would. At that time I didn’t see them as distractions, I saw myself living life to its fullest, the way people should be. I didn’t understand how people were just content. Their lives seemed so boring. Especially the christian life…they were unappealing, strict and judgmental. 

Through my depressions there has been one thing I’ve always said and felt… and that was that everything felt so meaningless. So pointless. 

I’ve come to see what I felt then. That everything we crave outside of God to find happiness IS IN FACT MEANINGLESS! To make something other than God a god, will always fail and end in disappointment. I’m learning I can enjoy things but to not rely on that thing or person for real joy but that real joy comes from the Lord.  That empty, gaping, black hole was going to remain until I surrendered to God. 

I will not sit here and say that I don’t have dark days anymore or that I don't crave worldly things ever. Because that would be a lie. I do have dark days and dark thoughts and human flesh desires. But I now turn them over to God and he takes care of me so much better than I did for myself. He has patience, he has love, he cares for me. I couldn’t do those things for just myself. Jesus has shown me who I want to be more like. 

God bless every single one of you. <3