RealEyes

Currently, I'm in a stage/season of life where I'm learning how to enjoy my own company. All my years I've lived, I never wanted to be 'alone'. Whether it be a boyfriend or a gal friend, I needed someone to be close with. Not just that, but even being in my house for too long by myself and I would have anxiety. I just couldn't be 'alone'. I want to say how nice it has been to learn how to be okay without constant dependence on a person for contentment or happiness! The Lord has provided in this amazing resolution.  I remember a time when I lived in Colorado and I was in bed and I could not sleep and my mind was racing and racing and I started feeling panic. I all of a sudden felt the walls caving in, my mind was thinking of how big the world is but how small it is at the same time and how microscopic I felt in this big yet small world. I started hyperventilating and I went out onto the balcony but the fresh air didn't help, nothing was helping this f

I have spent my life not loving well. I've BEEN loved but I sure haven't loved others well.  My brother got married this weekend. It has me thinking on love. The stages of love. What is love? How do you know when you've found the person to marry? Just... How. Do. You. Know?  The pastor at the wedding talked about how when you get past a certain time of being together, those love butterfly feelings will start to go away little by little. I know what he's talking about. That honeymoon stage. After that, love is a CHOICE, it's not based off feelings.  Think about it. God made us. Think of how exciting that must have been when he created each one of us, in his way, in his timing. The joy he must have felt. Well I'm 26 now, God has chosen me. He's made several other people since me. The excitement could be different now, but He's CHOSEN me and doesn't leave me. Those initial feelings we get when we first start dating someone, grow into something more, int

I want 'more'. But this time not in the selfish ways as before. I, personally yes, want more. What's different is that I want to follow God's will. I want to do whatever it is He has planned for me. I desire 'more'. And I pray the desires of my heart will conform to HIS WILL! Following the desires of my heart in the past lead me to a path of destruction. I really don't want to feel those sad, lonely feelings again. I want to live out HIS will! What do you want of me, Lord? What are these feelings of wanting 'more'? I know it means SOMETHING! I'm not going to ignore them...