RealEyes

September 10, 2011 “I really am not liking my life lately. Feeling’ depressed. This isn’t good.     I don’t feel cared for. And I don’t know what to do. I want to go crazy. “ September 20, 2011 “Some days are sooo good. Some days are bleh. Some days are shit. Everyone has em. Question: why does my mood change drastically from one day to the next? My mind set changes so much. One day it’s completely positive, the next day or so, it’s opposite. It don’t make sense to me!   Today, I’m… bleh. It’s w/e. Yesterday… I was so happy. And the whole weekend I was happy. It was great.” December 2, 2011 Dear Life, “You’re frustrating. Sometimes I just wanna quit, be normal for a bit. But I can’t, Jesus’ on my side. Devil tryna get the best of me, psst, he can kiss my butt.” [can we just get a HA HA right there (GEEZ)] August 29, 2012 Jesus, I have a HARD time dealing with my emotions. I know you understand and I’d like to feel better. I want t

I dreamt I was searching for someone desperately, in panic and anxiety; I had to find this person. I found this person and the cutting words of “I don’t love you forever like I thought I would” cut deep. I walked down to a wide open snowy area —I was at a ski resort— I began dancing or skating, I’m not sure which, and when I was finished I went and took a seat on the ground. A woman came and sat beside me and asked what was wrong. Before I could answer an older white haired man came and sat beside me as well, looked at the lady and said, “didnt you see that?” Referring to me, “she was so angry. But then she started dancing as if their was music playing. She began to smile, a peace overswept her, it appeared. It was beautiful.” And he left. I smiled big, turned to the lady to answer her question, sighed heavily, “I don’t even know where to begin...”   And in my wildest dreams I never thought my life would be where it is now:   At 24 having to start all over. I thought that w

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what th

I want to keep things real and raw. I'm going to share things on here I thought I would never tell anyone in life. I didn't want people to know what I was struggling with for so long. But here I am, wanting to be open and honest, real and raw. So let's talk about real things. Real emotions. Feelings. All the feels. How you wish sometimes you didn't have them because they can be so overwhelming. I want to tell you when it began for me. Depression, that is... I was 13. I remember a specific moment, vividly. I was in bed, dreading for morning to come yet again. I felt a lot of confusion on why my personality was shifting so much.  I was starting to feel uninterested in things that normally I cared for or about. I wasn't as bubbly as usual. I started becoming distant from my friends. I knew I was going through puberty, I knew that. But something felt very abnormal.  I thought about death for the first time and wondered maybe it'd be better off if I was gone. [Like

“When you’re in a dark place, you sometimes tend to think you’ve been buried. Perhaps you’ve been planted. Bloom.” By starting this blog [PUBLICLY scared me but I now hope to be there for someone who can relate or knows of someone who relates]. I quite often have a strong urge to want to pour out my heart onto a piece of paper but find myself at a loss of words, unable to write about all the feelings I have inside. I’ve always had strong emotions, feeling like no one understood, never understanding where all these emotions and feelings came from. These sort of feelings had me going under and down into a deep dark depression and sometimes at a peak so high I felt invincible. The hole I would get into was dark, feeling seemingly impossible to climb up and out of. The light at the top was no where to be seen. If I can make a difference or be of any help to even if just one person, by sharing my experiences and what I’ve learned to know, than I would re-experience it all over and o