Posts

60 day's

Image
I... Was on my hands and knees crying out to God Accepted the fact that I needed help Reached out for help Got myself a sponsor Quit being in denial about my addiction  Attend AA meeting's Work the steps Praise God Struggle some day's Get up and try again Cry some other day's Get up and try again❤ And in 60 day's... I haven't picked up the bottle. "God,  Grant me the serenity to accept the thing's I cannot change, the courage to change the thing's I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

My deceiving best friend

Image
 Oh, alcohol, my dear friend A friend I had to let go of My best friend of all friends Should have been long ago You were always there When I needed an escape You removed all my fears But left me with many, many tears You were "cunning, baffling and powerful"! You sucked me in Sucked me all dry You're the best friend I didn't let get away Now I'm glad you're gone Gone out of my life The past is where You will stay My present has No room for you Goodbye my dear friend I'll tell all the others About your cunning, baffling, and powerfulness. How you deceive, tell lies You're not a best friend You were an experience Waiting to take me to hell.  

The truth is...

Image
The truth is I'm a "loner" because I put myself through stuff I don't want to go through again.  The truth is I'm super insecure and I found someone who loves me for who I am and I've found comfort in him.  The truth is I'm super insecure because I used to put my self worth and value in people and things that didn't care about me and my wellbeing.  The truth is You wouldn't believe me if I told you things about me that I've done or who I "used to be". The truth is God is real and he proves that to me repeatedly and I know I'm doing nothing to prove His realness and I have extreme conviction of this. The truth is This blog is the only thing thats made me feel like I'm potentially doing anything for anybody or somebody.  The truth is I'm not what I seem. And I'm sorry for that. Because all I've done for the last 29 years of my life is struggle, just like you. But all I've done is put on a front like I haven't

The truth is...

Image
The truth is... it's not  easy being a christian. The last four year's since being back home (how has it been four years already?) It hasn't been smooth sailing and easy. I've done my best to be encouraging on here but I also don't want to forget that I promised to be real and raw. And the truth is... it's been hard. Life is hard. Being a christian is hard. Satan has seen me seek the Lord and he does not like it. His presence is so evident in the world right now. I'm not the only one fighting with the devil. And praise God if you are fighting the devil because that mean's you are not on his side!  In all honesty, this road I'm on that's one of seeking God and living for Him, has been one bumpy road. I brought home with me a lot of baggage. I've cleaned a few suitcases out but there seems to always be another one to unpack and clean out. It wasn't like a switch just flipped and I was all better just by coming back home away from all the me

EDM life

Image
I fell in love with EDM (electronic dance music) when I was introduced to it in Colorado in 2014 at a red rocks music show. I had never felt so much excitement before, something that I knew I had been craving but didn't know what I was craving until that moment I was there at that music show. I had zero idea what EDM music was but at that show, I was instantly hooked. From there on out, I was sure to be at every show I could be at. EDM life is something you simply cannot explain but wish for everyone to experience at some point in their life. I was a person who grew up not feeling apart of a group in junior high and high school as well as college. So when I found EDM, I was hooked. It was a place where I felt accepted, loved and free to be who I wanted. I could dress how I wanted, dance how I wanted and meet a lot of like-minded humans. I really had never smiled so much until attending these shows. Along with these shows, comes temptation's. I didn't discover these temptat

So many feelings.

Image
Currently, I'm in a stage/season of life where I'm learning how to enjoy my own company. All my years I've lived, I never wanted to be 'alone'. Whether it be a boyfriend or a gal friend, I needed someone to be close with. Not just that, but even being in my house for too long by myself and I would have anxiety. I just couldn't be 'alone'. I want to say how nice it has been to learn how to be okay without constant dependence on a person for contentment or happiness! The Lord has provided in this amazing resolution.  I remember a time when I lived in Colorado and I was in bed and I could not sleep and my mind was racing and racing and I started feeling panic. I all of a sudden felt the walls caving in, my mind was thinking of how big the world is but how small it is at the same time and how microscopic I felt in this big yet small world. I started hyperventilating and I went out onto the balcony but the fresh air didn't help, nothing was helping this f

"I do."

Image
I have spent my life not loving well. I've BEEN loved but I sure haven't loved others well.  My brother got married this weekend. It has me thinking on love. The stages of love. What is love? How do you know when you've found the person to marry? Just... How. Do. You. Know?  The pastor at the wedding talked about how when you get past a certain time of being together, those love butterfly feelings will start to go away little by little. I know what he's talking about. That honeymoon stage. After that, love is a CHOICE, it's not based off feelings.  Think about it. God made us. Think of how exciting that must have been when he created each one of us, in his way, in his timing. The joy he must have felt. Well I'm 26 now, God has chosen me. He's made several other people since me. The excitement could be different now, but He's CHOSEN me and doesn't leave me. Those initial feelings we get when we first start dating someone, grow into something more, int