God and Mental Health

September 10, 2011

“I really am not liking my life lately. Feeling’ depressed. This isn’t good.    

I don’t feel cared for. And I don’t know what to do.

I want to go crazy. “

September 20, 2011

“Some days are sooo good. Some days are bleh. Some days are shit. Everyone has em. Question: why does my mood change drastically from one day to the next? My mind set changes so much. One day it’s completely positive, the next day or so, it’s opposite. It don’t make sense to me! 

Today, I’m… bleh. It’s w/e. Yesterday… I was so happy. And the whole weekend I was happy. It was great.”

December 2, 2011

Dear Life,

“You’re frustrating. Sometimes I just wanna quit, be normal for a bit. But I can’t, Jesus’ on my side. Devil tryna get the best of me, psst, he can kiss my butt.” [can we just get a HA HA right there (GEEZ)]

August 29, 2012

Jesus,

I have a HARD time dealing with my emotions. I know you understand and I’d like to feel better. I want to love you and crave you and I want to live for you. I pray that I can think more positive and be successful with my life. Please, Lord. Amen.♥️”

So guys, I could keep sharing more journaling’s of mine but that’s enough for one post. Let’s talk about it, shall we? Or I will. About depression, loneliness and may I say borderline personality disorder. Yep, psychiatrists diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder. And I see it in my life. But I sway so much on the topic of it. Not sure how to even write about it. Because God and mental health. Can those two exist together?

Borderline Personality Disorder: “a mental health disorder that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in everyday life. It includes self-image issues, difficulty managing emotions and behavior, and a pattern of unstable relationships.

With borderline personality disorder, you have an intense fear of abandonment or instability, and you may have difficulty tolerating being alone. Yet inappropriate anger, impulsiveness and frequent mood swings may push others away, even though you want to have loving and lasting relationships.

Borderline personality disorder usually begins by early adulthood. The condition seems to be worsen in young adulthood and may gradually get better with age.”

[mayoclinic.org]

Describes me to a T!

Spiritual Warfare: “We know that we are of God, and that the whole world lies in the power of the evil one.” (1 Jn. 5:19)

And the great dragon was thrown down, the serpent of old who is called the devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world. (Rev. 12:9)

And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, in whose case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving so that they might not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ.” (2 Cor. 4:3-4)

The Lord’s bondservant must not be quarrelsome, but…patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will. (2 Tim. 2:24-26)

It may not have occurred to you how complete the enemy’s penetration into the minds of men has been, but these passages make it unmistakable. According to the New Testament the entire world is in the devil’s deathly grip. He holds people captive to do his bidding by trickery and deceit, blinding the minds of those who are perishing, keeping them from coming to their senses and seeing the world the way it really is.” [https://www.str.org/solidground/spiritualwarfare#.XUDzAhNKhsM]

For so long, I didn’t reach out to people such as church members, parents, christian friends because I felt they would judge or assume lack of faith, tell me to just pray. And I understand I needed and need to pray but I knew something was also not right in my brain, chemically, or whatever it may be. And by not reaching out, I grew deeper into my depression, keeping my dark thoughts inside only to grow and slowly it spread inside like a fire. Instead of reaching out and allowing people to pray for me, I ran to things to numb the pain and confusion.

"YOU CANNOT RECOVER FROM ANXIETY BY JUST STAYING CALM. YOU CANNOT RECOVER FROM DEPRESSION BY JUST BEING POSITIVE. YOU CANNOT RECOVER FROM ANOREXIA NERVOSA BY JUST EATING MORE.

IF MENTAL ILLNESSES WERE THAT SIMPLE WE WOULDN'T BE STRUGGLING IN THE FIRST PLACE."

"In order for God to be able to help with healing, there has to be pain to help heal to even begin with" -- said by my counselor WHOM I LOVE DEARLY! :)

It's a sensitive and sore subject to talk on for me and I know for others too. I have always got so defensive over the subject but 1) reaching out 2) being open and honest 3) doing this blog... all are deeply helping with talking about it and not getting so defensive about the topic of God and mental health. I plan to continue opening up, learning and listening about these things as it's a big part of my life. What I've been through and what I live with doesn't define me, but it sure is shaping me into the person I am now and I'm starting to like her...

"So after you have suffered a little while, He will restore, support and strengthen you and He will place you on a firm foundation." -- 1 Peter 5:10