It's been a bad day
Today has been a really bad day. I am an emotional person and the longer I'm sober the more aware I am of my emotions and how many of them I have. While I was on my walk today, I was praising God because I thought of the big book and how it says something along the lines of, "even on the worst day's now sober, I wouldn't go back to the best day's of my drinking day's". I felt that today. Even though I'm having a really bad emotional day, I was thanking God for being sober and I wouldn't trade it.
Even though my head is buzzing with noise, my heart heavy with sadness, my body restless and angst, my soul longing for warmth (all circumstantial reasonings; not an absence of Jesus; I'm still human), I am so thankful I don't desire to drink. It's surreal that this is my reality. That I don't have to drink away my uncomfortable feeling's anymore. As much as my ego would like to take credit for it and say, "yay! I'M doing soooo good!" It's totally not by the grace given unto myself. It is all by the mercy and grace of God. There is no other reason for the obsession of drinking to leave me. God relieved this from me. I know this because I tried to stop drinking a number of times on MY own and I kept taking myself right back to the stupid bottle.
My emotion's today were like bubble gum stuck to the bottom of a shoe, I just couldn't get the gum (emotion's) off the shoe (out of my mind, heart, soul). I have to tend to the gum, so it doesn't become apart of the shoe and make it ugly and uncomfortable for good. So here I sit, blogging to you, using a coping mechanism I know that works for me to work through these emotion's and be on my way to healing. Some of you may not understand why I do this, why I blog, especially to anyone and everyone. I don't know exactly why either other than I know it helps me heal. It's my way of reaching out to others who may need it (I'm not good as in-person talking). I want someone to know that what they're experiencing probably isn't abnormal. Also, people talk. So this is a resource for people to get some truth.
So I'm having a bad day. But I know this too shall pass. Seasons come and seasons go...
But God's love remains the same.
PTL!!! Just think if you were drinking that would pile upon your already feeling bad! You are in touch with your feelings, thoughts, emotions and God! And word it so well. I’m proud to be your grandma! And love to spend time with you. 💕
ReplyDeleteAwe, thanks grandma!! I love spending time with you too!!❤️
DeleteI’ve known you since you were born & that relationship has always been a church relationship with your parents. I’m so grateful for the fellowship that radiates at Cornerstone Bible Church. Hymns always pop into my head & the following is what jumped in just now. The Gaither’s are old school musicians but their music has melody & harmony. You are loved Danielle and “that’s the truth.”
ReplyDeleteYou will notice we say brother
And sister 'round here
It′s because we're a family
And these folks are so near
When one has a heartache
We all share the tears
And rejoice in each victory
In this family so dear
I'm so glad I′m a part
Of the family of God
I′ve been washed in the fountain
Cleansed by His blood
Joint heirs with Jesus
As we travel this sod
For I'm part of the family
The family of God