RealEyes

Today has been a really bad day. I am an emotional person and the longer I'm sober the more aware I am of my emotions and how many of them I have. While I was on my walk today, I was praising God because I thought of the big book and how it says something along the lines of, "even on the worst day's now sober, I wouldn't go back to the best day's of my drinking day's". I felt that today. Even though I'm having a really bad emotional day, I was thanking God for being sober and I wouldn't trade it.  Even though my head is buzzing with noise, my heart heavy with sadness, my body restless and angst, my soul longing for warmth (all circumstantial reasonings; not an absence of Jesus; I'm still human), I am so thankful I don't desire to drink. It's surreal that this is my reality. That I don't have to drink away my uncomfortable feeling's anymore. As much as my ego would like to take credit for it and say, "yay! I'M doing sooo...

Powerlessness. My life had become unmanageable. I was powerless over alcohol the first time I ever had it. I was such a slob. Yet I continued to ingest it for a decade, not coming to realize I was powerless over it even after I was freshly sober. I admitted I was powerless over it but I didn't fully grasp it for a couple months of being sober. I fully believe and know now that I am powerless over alcohol. I cannot and I do not have to have alcohol. I am free without it! Like alcohol, I am also powerless over other things in life. Like people. I am powerless over what they do to me. I. cannot control what someone does to me or says to me. I do have power of how I respond. This is freedom. The freedom to choose how to handle a situation. Just like I had the freedom to choose whether I keep on down the road of killing myself or the possibility of someone else by drinking. I struggled to let go of drinking. I've struggled to respond well to being hurt by someone. "Evening, mor...

I post about my sobriety not for attention or self-praise but for awareness of the reality of it and hopefully to be of help to anyone wanting to get help but may be afraid to. I want to show the benefits and freedom from choosing to stay sober. There are times when it can get hard, that's the reality and sickness of it, but I'm thankful to God I have stayed sober. Today makes 8 months and 23 day's alcohol free for me and it is only by the grace of God. It is only by the grace of God do I experience freedom, joy, contentment, and peace. I have a new perspective on life and it is one I have to consciously and intentionally choose if I want to continue to have freedom, joy, contentment, and peace. I am so thankful for God's blessings he's graciously giving me each day. No matter what happens in life, because trials inevitably happen, there is always something to be grateful for. Get up each morning and decide what you are thankful for and watch your daily perspective ...

I... Was on my hands and knees crying out to God Accepted the fact that I needed help Reached out for help Got myself a sponsor Quit being in denial about my addiction  Attend AA meeting's Work the steps Praise God Struggle some day's Get up and try again Cry some other day's Get up and try again❤ And in 60 day's... I haven't picked up the bottle. "God,  Grant me the serenity to accept the thing's I cannot change, the courage to change the thing's I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

 Oh, alcohol, my dear friend A friend I had to let go of My best friend of all friends Should have been long ago You were always there When I needed an escape You removed all my fears But left me with many, many tears You were "cunning, baffling and powerful"! You sucked me in Sucked me all dry You're the best friend I didn't let get away Now I'm glad you're gone Gone out of my life The past is where You will stay My present has No room for you Goodbye my dear friend I'll tell all the others About your cunning, baffling, and powerfulness. How you deceive, tell lies You're not a best friend You were an experience Waiting to take me to hell.  

The truth is I'm a "loner" because I put myself through stuff I don't want to go through again.  The truth is I'm super insecure and I found someone who loves me for who I am and I've found comfort in him.  The truth is I'm super insecure because I used to put my self worth and value in people and things that didn't care about me and my wellbeing.  The truth is You wouldn't believe me if I told you things about me that I've done or who I "used to be". The truth is God is real and he proves that to me repeatedly and I know I'm doing nothing to prove His realness and I have extreme conviction of this. The truth is This blog is the only thing thats made me feel like I'm potentially doing anything for anybody or somebody.  The truth is I'm not what I seem. And I'm sorry for that. Because all I've done for the last 29 years of my life is struggle, just like you. But all I've done is put on a front like I haven't...